


Awakenings

by AsagiStilinski



Series: YOI self-cest week [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Background Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov - Freeform, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Introspection, Jealousy, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Phichit Chulanont/Christophe Giacometti, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Christophe Giacometti/Victor Nikiforov, Pining, Reflection, Self-Reflection, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:06:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23777323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: The first time Christophe touched himself had been because of Viktor NikiforovOr: Viktor was Chris's sexual awakening, and a decade later, Chris still holds a place in his heart (and his libido) for him, however, as of late, Viktor isn't the only one Chris has thoughts about when he's alone...
Relationships: Christophe Giacometti/Victor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont/Christophe Giacometti
Series: YOI self-cest week [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711729
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16
Collections: Yoi Selfcest Etc Fest 2020





	Awakenings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [venom_for_free](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venom_for_free/gifts).



> Day two of YOI self-cest week, here's Venom's art! https://venom-for-free.tumblr.com/post/616037227312594944/yoi-selfcestfest-day-2

The first time Christophe touched himself had been because of Viktor Nikiforov- a statement, he felt certain, was true for _alot_ of professional athletes in their generation

It was the exhibition skate of '05, when Viktor had started his "badass" phase- a phase that he cringed at these days, a phase that he was quite vehement in explaining was an act of rebellion, though was always quick to add that he "didn't hate the music" only what he "did to it"

Chris didn't care

If Viktor's final performance at Junior Worlds had been his gay awakening, then the exhibition skate of '05, when he danced to the tune of "Cell Block Tango" from _Chicago_ , had been his sexual awakening

There was just something about a man in fishnets....

For the vast majority of his life after that, Viktor had repeatedly been Chris's go-to fantasy for getting himself off

Even once they became freinds and he started questioning the moral dubiousness of jerking off wile imagining his best freind writhing beneath him and panting his name in his beautifull, softly accented voice, he hadn't stopped doing it- if anything that just made it better

There was some part of him that liked to think Viktor was _just_ vain enough that he would take pleasure in knowing how well he did it for his best freind

Some part, but not a large part, not enough of a part that Chris wanted to actually put that theory to the test

Over a decade had passed since that exhibition skate but the fishnets kept coming back to him

Though they evolved with time, the rest of whatever outfit they were attached to molding to fit neatly against whatever persona Viktor was wearing for the year

The badass, the androgynous faery, the playboy, the champion, the lover....

The lover was his favorite, shamefully

The lover, the devoted husband, the head-over-heels and fawning all over Yuri Katsuki until Chris half believed Viktor would make an alter dedicated to the man

_That_ Viktor was his favorite

That Viktor made him jealous

That Viktor got him hard

Because it was the _real_ Viktor, the honest one, the happy one, the one who had been so hollow and empty for so long that Chris started to ache whenever he saw him- and not the pleasant kind of ache- but now was so overflowing with joy and love and devotion that Chris's breath was taken away by it

Shamefully, he imagined Viktor smiling at _him_ that way

Being devoted to _him_ that way

Wanting and needing and _loving **him**_ that way

Viktor Nikiforov existed in Chris's life in stages

An idol, at first- untouchable, unrealistic, a touch of magic in an otherwise boring and dull world, but something he could never get close to

Then a rival- closer, existing, not flawless or beyond the reach of existence, but still too far away to touch

Then a freind, a _best_ freind- close enough to touch now, close enough to _hold_ , to speak to, to get to know, the mystery and the brightness of his magical presence faded away to reveal the realness and humanity underneath, the glitter washed off and Chris saw a lost, tired, lonely person beneath it, and Chris wanted shamelessly to cure that loneliness

But what could he do?

They lived countries apart and only saw eachother a few times a year on their _best_ years, much of their freindship having developed before video chatting was anywhere near as good as it is today, and Chris was not stupid, really, he knew that as long as there was a border between them, Viktor's heart would be just out of his reach

How could he ever go to Viktor and promise to take that loneliness away when he knew that every single time he'd be getting back on a plane in only a matter of days, and leaving Viktor alone again?

That would be beyond cruel

That would be walking up to Viktor's most raw and exposed nerve, and putting his hand over it, and rubbing vinegar into it until it bled

How could he ever justify doing that to someone he loved?

Chris had never minded being a selfish person, but that kind of cruelty was a step beyond selfishness that he was entirely unwilling to take

So Chris decided to wait

Skating was such a fleeting sport, and no matter how good you are at it, no matter how almost unnaturally gifted you are or youthfull or energetic, age comes for us all sooner or later, and it would come for them too

Skating competitively won't last forever, he knows

Viktor is getting on in years for a professional athlete, he knows

Viktor will be retiring soon, he knows

And when he does, Chris will be there, and he'll be everything Viktor needs and actually able to give it to him

Chris would wait, and when Viktor retired, he would retire, and he would take Viktor out someplace nice to "celebrate" and then explain his feelings and make his proposition

Russia was nice, he thought, he could learn Russian

Equally, Switzerland was marvelous, and Viktor already spoke French

Without coaches and schedules to hold them back, there was a world of choices open to them, and Chris dreamed of those choices

He dreamed of giving Viktor what he needed

He dreamed of being _that_ for him, of spiriting him away like a fairytale prince and dragging the loneliness out of him bit by bit, kiss by kiss, touch by touch, until he was sprawled out in bed so overwelmed with ecstasy that he couldn't even function anymore

Chris twitched at just the thought

And when Viktor reached age twenty-seven, Chris thought that moment was within his grasp

He was so close to it, he could nearly taste it

First Viktor would take a year off for some pet project, then he would decide that he enjoyed coaching better than competing at this stage of his life, he'd probably stay in Japan and coach the adorable drunken stripper permanently, and wile Yuri Katsuki was only a year younger than Chris, only three younger than Viktor, he still had a mountain to climb in his career that neither Viktor nor Chris had in front of them anymore

Chris figured, one evening, as he watched a cherry blossom festival being live-streamed over his laptop, that Japan was a lovely country

He could see it, he could see that, he could see them, with Viktor's hair growing out again and pink petals woven into it, drunk off of sake` and getting a little too close to eachother in the hot springs...

He twitched again

But life was...

Life was an odd mixture of kind and cruel

In the same breath that it finally gave Viktor some kindness, it unleashed a tornado of cruelty onto Chris

Because not very long after Chris started to rearrange his fantasies, he actually _met_ Yuri Katsuki

He met the real Yuri, not the drunk one

And Yuri was sweet and soft, painfully shy (as long as he wasn't trying to seduce Viktor that is) and bogged down with anxiety the same way that Viktor was bogged down with depression

Meeting Yuri was nice, Chris could say with immediacy that he considered Yuri a freind, and he noted later that night, with the utmost pleasure, that the brunette made for some excellent fantasy material

The way that mesh body suit clung to his skin, the sexual power that radiated off of him, and the thought of Viktor training the eros into him through affirmations and obedience and ecstasy made Chris gasp as he came in his hand that night

He had always pictured Viktor as the more submissive partner between them, but maybe he was wrong

But the thing is though, Chris knew the moment he met Yuri that Viktor was lost to him

Not because Yuri was some sort of genius romantic rival- Chris highly doubted that he even knew there was anything to rival _about_ \- but because of the way Viktor looked at him

Viktor looked at Yuri with such intense love and devotion that even Chris's feelings for Viktor felt inadiquit as a result

He looked at Yuri as though Yuri had hung the sun, moon, and stars, as though he had shaped the earth, as though he had descended from Heaven just to breathe life back into Viktor and then stuck around because Viktor yearned for him so badly

The way Viktor looked at Yuri was unlike anything Chris had ever seen, and he would have been a fool to believe that Viktor would ever look at anyone else that way

He would have been a fool to think that Viktor would ever look at _him_ that way

And really, he couldn't even blame Viktor for falling for Yuri the way he had, even without the mystical, magical, unbelievableness of the entire ordeal, Yuri was amazing, and Chris was willing to bet that if circumstances were different, he would have been all over Yuri as well

Viktor came away from this experience, came away from Yuri, overflowing with love and happiness and emotions that he hadn't felt in so long that Chris had wondered for years if Viktor even had them

And that was good- _really_

Because above all else, above his selfishness and longing and his own heart's desires, he really just wanted Viktor to be happy

That didn't stop him from dreaming though

That didn't stop him from fantasizing

That didn't stop Viktor from being the most frequent face he visited when he needed a release, didn't stop Chris from laying back in bed surrounded in soft sheets and plush pillows and stroking himself to completion wile obsessing over the same fantasies he always had, with little changed but for the age on Viktor's face and the length of his hair

There was one difference though

One thing that, on a fantasy scale, marked a difference between the current era and the ones that had come before it

And that difference was named Phichit

Because with Yuri had come Phichit, like a packaged deal

Chris had met Phichit a few times before, breifly, in passing, never even holding a conversation with him, but that changed after 2016- the year of all the changes- when they started to actually spend time together

Because oftentimes now when he hung out with Viktor he hung out with Viktor _and_ Yuri- not that he minded- and alot of times when that happened and they were at a competition or on vacation or something, Phichit was there too

And alot of times Chris found himself spending time with Phichit- _alot_ of time, increasingly more time, as a matter of fact

What started as something that felt almost obligatory to give Viktor and Yuri a little extra room had evolved into something that he sought out, something he looked forward to, he could even say that Phichit was his freind now, not just a freind of a freind, not just Yuri's freind, but _his_ freind

They talked on a regular basis and been doing so more and more over the last few months, and were even planning to meet up together for a few days after Skate Canada, wich they were both assigned to this year

It wouldn't be much, ofcourse, what with it being the middle of the season and all, but it would be better than nothing

Chris was looking forward to it

"A-Ah..... fuck....."

That wasn't all he was looking forward to though, ofcourse, as he moved a little further onto his side, head tossed back and hand working fervently over his cock

He was close.. close.... _close_....

"Phichit!!"

Flopping onto his back and taking a few steadying breaths, he used what was left of his brain to remark on the fact that for the last several times of doing this, it hadn't been Viktor haunting his fantasies, rather, it had been his newest freind to appear and be the source of his pleasure

He wondered distantly if that meant something

Grabbing some tissues from the bedside table, he pondered over the thought, in his post-orgasm haze, that perhaps a person can love twice in a lifetime- or many times even

If that were true then, he wondered if his next love might be the face that he saw when he closed his eyes, the phantom touch he imagined just moments ago, the bright brown eyes that seemed to stare through his mind whenever he thought about him....

One thing was for sure though, atleast if he ever told Phichit about this, he knew with certainty that the brunette would be far more entertained by Chris's fantasies than offended by them


End file.
